SELF-DEPRECIATION ENTRY.

Fan AH!!! WHY MUST THINGS BE SO RUSHED?? why id Is so tough and i am the bloody leader but have not much idea of how to lead them on!? really felt lost, regretted that last time i didnt put in more effort..I feel so sucky@!@ really a damn useless leader. fucked up.

DAMN.. now i know why certain ppl made certain judgement.. is nt that they r picky, is just that i am not competent. maybe i can achieve thru sheer effort, i really cant achieve when it comes to intellectual, and less said abt being sure of my capabilities.

In school

Haha, yup, still got mantou.. really forget abt this bun. she is a passive loyal reader. Thx for the unsaid support lol.

Alright, today is a v slack day, only got HRM and EnS lessons. and the meet up for ID follows, but, didnt really do much today.

I will be gg to school for one day, and gg for ID for another day , during the break.
A bit sian, but i think this is gonna be one of the last few holidays that i will be having as a student.. must cherish it, though work is piled up for me to accomplish during the 1 week's stint.

So tired.. Feel like sleeping now.. but cannot.. must study a bit... cos tml is BBall DAY!

Ok, i know that the ppl gg may be less than 5, but i am glad tt i can go for bball after such a long break from it... 3 weeks sia! Ok, alright, i dunno what i can type le.. feeling damn tired after the ID meeting.. i need some rest... maybe by playing my scrabble..

hmm, think no one reads my blog entry nowadays lol, cos i have a period of entry drought since the start of the yr till now. lol. think yj is my most loyal reader lol, cos i didnt expect her to read the more updated thingy.. thx dudess

ok la, been slacking for a long while.. and tml supposed to present to FYP tutor some stuffs.. but he got some conference tml and so tml i am free.. but need to go back campus during the break... sucky hor.. but no choice.. that is life..

Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou!

Hmm, Today's Ens's presentation,due to ill preparation, i personally find tt i flunked it. sorry to my grp members. hmm, but i am lucky to have them to encourage me after that. Will surely repay them in the 3rd presentation! Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou!

ROARS! Arsenal bounced back from last season's misery and is now at the top of the top league in England after winning by a 2 goal margin at White Hart Lane. Impressive, as the visitors came back from behind after gg down by a goal and eventually emerged winner with a comfortable scoreline.

Today went for the mob briefing with hak nan and changyu. We alighted a stop after the camp and had to ran all the way to the guardhse.. cos it started to rain... and the rain got even heavier before we reach any shelter.. so we 3 were so drenched when we reached the auditorium. Met joseph n eugene. also met weibing who was a TPJC junior there. Was also surprised to meet daniel from S14 too, though he wasnt there for mob briefing. Qiao sia.

Took eugene's car to TM, and me hak nan and chang yu went for a quick lunch before the 2 of them went bugis and i went home to wash up and took a loooong nap till 530 pm. LOL.. was soo tired.. went to airport to study till ard 11.10pm before catching the late night train. but didnt go home immediately .. cos wan to finish up the tut. so went over to 24 hr mac to study on.. so qiao, met desmond there, who was chatting with his fren. studied till ard 2am, before saying bye to them. Was a monotonous day. Not boring though.

Then i suddenly had a thought. Some ppl who r physically nt that developed r achieving in their pursue for knowledge. I really admire these ppl's undying perservence. Not easy ok.. must go to sch everyday, and all the big big small small thingy to handle. and also got to deal with mental stress that is more than what the abled-body students have to deal with. haha, natural selection is beaten by the determination of mankind huh.

Trust or plain DUMB

Sometimes telling a fren abt ur closest thing isnt really that comforting. Not the fren's fault, no secret spilled, just myself being too suspicious, but How can i dun?
If the truth brings abt discrimination, then i am disappointed. But that is the fact of life. i cant blame the fren. Just blame it on myself. Maybe everything shld just be kept in where i have kept for the past 11 years. For the moment, i felt like having support, and the courage to reveal the truth came. Didnt know it turned out to be this bad, BAD FEELING. I know everyone r busy, no one really cares about others. Even if they r frens(or is it just school mates and play mates only?) I am also guilty of that, cos i neglected one fren when he needed to talk to me the most. This world is cold,it is all abt how u benefit from others, and how others tap on u for their own interest. Humans r selfish afterall.. Right? Humans live for themselves, right? I had read a book during army.. it really attacked human nature and pushed it to the corner. Everything we did for others, EVENTUALLY IS FOR OURSELVES... IS IT REALLY TRUE? to do charity work, is to ultimately make ownself feel elated. A mum caring for her kids.. is cos of sense of duty.. and in return she herself will feel happy herself. is it true that even the love of a mother for her child is also a selfish act on the mother's side? I DO NOT WISH THIS IS SO.... I feel empty out of a sudden, maybe i believed that illogical and seemingly TWISTED logic.. MAYBE Humans r just created like this. NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO.. THEY THEMSELVES must eventually benefit from it. NO.... i dun wish this is true. But.. I cant see light for this issue.. Am i thinking too deep? or is becos my belief is too shaken.. the book's idea seemed to grab my mind. NO! I CHOOSE to believe that MANKIND r loving creatures. YES,the author is feeling jealous. HE is!
HE didnt receive love from his surrounding ppl, i supposed. That is why the book is out.. out to haunt those who r being cared for.. I Dun wish this to be true, it seemed like a satan-sent book. No doubt, it is the work of a devil. Dispose it if u have..

Ok,a tonne of rubbish in my mind. Damn it. I really dislike this feeling, IT IS A BOTTLED UP feeling. ALL BOTTLED UP. Must vent it here. but i realised.. no way is anyone gg to care abt this entry either. But, i still have this small flame of hope, hoping tt someone might care abt it.
That might be the kiss to break the curse of thousand years...