Trust or plain DUMB

Sometimes telling a fren abt ur closest thing isnt really that comforting. Not the fren's fault, no secret spilled, just myself being too suspicious, but How can i dun?
If the truth brings abt discrimination, then i am disappointed. But that is the fact of life. i cant blame the fren. Just blame it on myself. Maybe everything shld just be kept in where i have kept for the past 11 years. For the moment, i felt like having support, and the courage to reveal the truth came. Didnt know it turned out to be this bad, BAD FEELING. I know everyone r busy, no one really cares about others. Even if they r frens(or is it just school mates and play mates only?) I am also guilty of that, cos i neglected one fren when he needed to talk to me the most. This world is cold,it is all abt how u benefit from others, and how others tap on u for their own interest. Humans r selfish afterall.. Right? Humans live for themselves, right? I had read a book during army.. it really attacked human nature and pushed it to the corner. Everything we did for others, EVENTUALLY IS FOR OURSELVES... IS IT REALLY TRUE? to do charity work, is to ultimately make ownself feel elated. A mum caring for her kids.. is cos of sense of duty.. and in return she herself will feel happy herself. is it true that even the love of a mother for her child is also a selfish act on the mother's side? I DO NOT WISH THIS IS SO.... I feel empty out of a sudden, maybe i believed that illogical and seemingly TWISTED logic.. MAYBE Humans r just created like this. NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO.. THEY THEMSELVES must eventually benefit from it. NO.... i dun wish this is true. But.. I cant see light for this issue.. Am i thinking too deep? or is becos my belief is too shaken.. the book's idea seemed to grab my mind. NO! I CHOOSE to believe that MANKIND r loving creatures. YES,the author is feeling jealous. HE is!
HE didnt receive love from his surrounding ppl, i supposed. That is why the book is out.. out to haunt those who r being cared for.. I Dun wish this to be true, it seemed like a satan-sent book. No doubt, it is the work of a devil. Dispose it if u have..

Ok,a tonne of rubbish in my mind. Damn it. I really dislike this feeling, IT IS A BOTTLED UP feeling. ALL BOTTLED UP. Must vent it here. but i realised.. no way is anyone gg to care abt this entry either. But, i still have this small flame of hope, hoping tt someone might care abt it.
That might be the kiss to break the curse of thousand years...