Almost

Almost.. almost fall into a state of depression this morning.. the moment i woke up.. i have been thinking negatively.. very confused tots.. making my morning studies unfocussed. in the end, the stress is pushing me to the brink of depression. I was one foot in... and i knew that if i felt depressed.. my exam in 3-4 hrs time will be a goner.. so i stopped my studying and logged on msn.. no one to talk to.. so sad..then luckily zj came online then.. and we chatted.. but that depression feeling just keep coming at me. In the end, decided to stop studying and go out for a stroll to mrt station. Though short.. but that stroll is my life saver.. i finalli feel the sun on my skin! The gloominess dissipated and left me with not so much stress.. After which, reached Wilson's car.. and decided to call HK out for a walk after paper.. but he couldnt make it.. so in the end asked Wilson if i could join him with Rachael. Luckily he said ok, else i feel so sian lor..

Then the paper was quite smooth sailing.. i struggled a bit with my still depressed feeling.. but relatively, it was quite smooth sailing. Then after paper, met Kimberly.. and she happened to be going to National Lib.. and we r heading to suntec.. so she took a ride in Wilson's car. Then sth funny happened.. I sat at the back seat with Kim on my right(i am in the centre) and Kim's fren is also taking a ride from wilson, but need to fetch her at Can A. And when we arrived at the can A bus stop, Kim said her fren is there.. and when i looked out.. i saw a huge girl stood up and walking towards our direction. WAHHHH.. i immediately squeezed and packed Kim into the corner of the car.. i afraid even then also no space for that fren.. haha.. and the normally calm wilson was stunned for a moment too. Then i closed my eyes for a while.. scared of facing the fren. I turn back and looked at her.. eh... how come she shrinked? hmmm.. she was wearing pink just now ma.. and yah.. she is still in pink.. but why is she now so petite? Then i realised that the fren is not that huge ger..... though they r wearing the same color blouse.. and the huge ger happened to be kim's fren too.. sorry to the huge ger. i was mean.sorry.

Then we arrived at Suntec.. kim asked me to join she and her frens.. cos she said i am like a lightbulb.. but i dun wan wAHAHAHA.. insisting of being a lightbulb. so in the end stuck with the couple for dinner at a nice restaurant(yummy fish and chips... it is the one oppo candy palace) and did some strolling ard the air coned mall.. after which i make my way home alone..

Then chatted with mum just now.. my mum realised that i became depressed so easily recently cos i rarely talk to any people , not talk abt superficial stuffs.... but i didnt express my feelings, in a sense didnt talk my heart out la.. cos i was all the while studying and facing books or come back facing msn(where nobody is online to chat). so i became quite isolated for ard 2 weeks.. though i did have companions while studying, but that is different.. we rarely talk deep enuff ma.. and so.. i also dun know la.. this is the worse sem. Have depression for so many times.. damn.. why am i becoming mentally so weak.. i tot i am strong in this area? i tot i can endure and perservere. but i am wrong.. i over estimated myself and keep pushing my self. Dunno why.. i cant stop forcing myself to achieve more..