31st March 2005

To seek for forgiveness from others may be difficult but it is not a tough thing afterall. Cos many people will readily forgive if it is a minor matter. I think to seek forgiveness from my own self seems the toughest. Some matter i just couldnt forgive myself, and i actually carried a burden of such for 8 years. 8 years! Sometimes when i think back, i regretted doing that, but the situation is not under my control as i was too young then--14 yr old--to understand certain things. By not forgiving myself seems the only viable way to punish myself. I couldnt find any way for myself for that mistake/sin. But it has been so tiring in this 8 years, somehow, it led to to a life i wouldnt want to have. But here i am, and i have decided that instead of just living in misery, why not i live happier? Life is so short, i may leave the world anytime. Leaving behind so much misery and regrets for not living the fullest of my life. 8 years of self-blaming and non-forgiveness is really enough to entirely punish myself for that incident. I feel so relieved after blogging here for this, yet so tired. Maybe should take a break after exams to really do things which i have enjoyed under no pressure from self-blaming anymore.Yes, i have forgiven myself, entirely.